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November 11th, 2003


08:16 pm - Courtesy of lucid42day
http://216.29.201.242/~apathy/cheerleader2.jpg

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07:50 pm - Stolen from buddha_belly
The funniest thing I have ever seen. http://home.pacbell.net/bettychu/2003allbreedbisris/BIS.html

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November 10th, 2003


11:37 pm
Can someone tell me how to make a poll? Thanks.

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11:30 pm - Icon
I made the Niobe icon because she is my favorite Matrix Character. It kinda sucks but I'm a newbie at this.

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02:55 pm
Some things change and some things never do.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

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November 9th, 2003


01:45 pm - Birthdays
I got Joe's stepsister, Crystal, Save The Last Dance for her birthday and hopefully she'll watch it while I'm there because its one of my favorite movies. I got Kayla's, brokenstarlight, gift. It wasn't what I wanted to get her but I have to have a check or credit card to get what I really want to get her. I ran out of checks:( I'll have to buy some cute new Disney ones. I hope Kayla likes what I got her though. Kayla, I'll be mailing it out Monday. Sorry it's taking me so long to mail it.

I'm so happy right now. I may be about to exit hell. 4:30 tomorrow I'm pumped!

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12:14 am - Matrix Spoiler entry!
I saw the Matrix Revolutions tonight and I like it better than both its predecessors. If you think I'm nuts oh well too bad:)

This has nothing to do with the Matrix but here are some things buzzing about my head. If a character that is well loved in any literary or media work dies they are more remembered. I think an author, screenwriter, director has a lot of talent if they can get you to love the character in a series of stories and then kill them off and make the reader/viewer cry. To make the audience laugh, cry, or sigh with the character is a great talent and I would like to be able to do that someday.

I think I liked this Matrix better because it wasn't the 100 percent perfect happy ending I was expecting. People had to die to save other people and I liked that. Lots of character was shown and self sacrifice had to be made. Its the stuff good movies are made of:)

Current Mood: tiredtired

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November 7th, 2003


12:12 am - Never be to proud to ask for help
I got proud that was my mistake. I was too proud to ask for help and advice. I was so proud of my climb out of depression that when the thoughts came back I felt like I'd failed. The thoughts don't make you weak its the actions. Thoughts make us human. I have wanted to steal before, kill someone before but I did not act on those thoughts. Suicide and self mutilation is the same way. The thoughts will always be there. Maybe not as dominant force as before but they'll always be there. It's like having cancer or diabeties. It is a disease.

The key is to talk about what your feeling and thinking. Sometimes I get stressed out and have a bad week and I need to realize its ok for me to cry on someones shoulder or ask for some advice and not feel guilty or that I am burdening them. I am guilty of the same thing I am so frustrated with Amber for doing.

Sometimes letting people know how you feel is a good thing. Like in the Amber situation. Keeping it in and acting like the problem doesn't exsist is stupid. Sometimes with people that are just assholes you need to ignore them. People in the past that were assholes need to be ignored. Sometimes it is hard but what did they know anyway?

It's just between me, myself, and I but I know after tonight I can handle so much more than I could a week ago. I'm no longer afraid of the thoughts. They are just thoughts and when faced with the situation I did not act upon them. I shuddered at the act and knew on instant it was stupid. That makes me feel good and acomplished. That it all hasn't been in vain and I have in fact improved.

I think Jessica is a lot stronger and wiser than people give her credit for. I am amazed at the way Joe handles tense situations(even if he doesn't read clues right:) ), and I think that at times I am hypocritical. I think certain people and the things they've done to me is getting a bit old of an excuse and that I need to grow up and deal with things as the way they are and not based on what they meant in the past. The past, present and future are three different things and are not to be mixed. I have learned a lot this evening and feel tons better than I did at the start of the week. I'm tired as hell now so goodnight.

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November 6th, 2003


02:53 pm - Erm.....Ok not really but whatever.....
According to the SelectSmart.com Belief System Selector, my #1 belief match is Orthodox Judaism. </br> What do you believe?</b></a> Visit SelectSmart.com/RELIGION

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10:41 am - Good Grief
You people must think I'm the most indecisive person ever. I AM NOT GOING TO CHICAGO. There. Ok. Lol. Talked to Lindsey and I am not going. That is my final answer Alex.

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